How To Control The Way People React To You
May 31, 2026
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I respond to people—especially when things don’t go smoothly. It’s easy to fall into the trap of mirroring energy: if someone comes at me frustrated, I instinctively want to push back. But I’ve started to realize that approach almost always makes things worse.
The shift came during a simple lunch conversation. We were talking about customer service, and a friend shared an idea that stuck with me: every interaction is like picking up a stick. You don’t just grab one end—you lift both. In other words, how I show up directly influences how the other person responds.
I started replaying past experiences in my head. Times when I felt ignored or frustrated as a customer, and how quickly things escalated when the other person got defensive. But I also remembered the rare moments when someone responded with genuine humility—when they said, “I’m sorry,” and actually meant it. Those moments diffused everything.
What hit me hardest is this: I have more control than I think. Even if someone starts off upset, I can choose empathy over defensiveness. I can acknowledge their frustration instead of challenging it. And more often than not, that choice changes the entire tone of the interaction.
I’m not saying it’s easy. It takes effort to pause, swallow pride, and respond with patience. But I’m convinced it’s worth it. Because at the end of the day, people don’t expect perfection—they expect to feel heard. And that’s something I can choose to give every single time.
Check out The Appraiser Coach Podcast for more info on this topic:
